Hair as White as Snow
by Animic
Summary: She looked for me often. I only knew that because I was always watching her. Her eyes lifted at the sight of every blond man, then looked down in disappointment at her failure. She knew not my name or my house. It was a best-kept secret and I'd rather her not know, but my curiosity and longing was stronger than my desire to remain anonymous. Draco/Luna
1. to dance with a devil on your back

My first shot at a Draco/Luna fanfic.  
I've had this story locked away for a bit  
until I could do something with it,  
but I really like where it's going!

Review and follow! (: (:

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 _chapter one: we danced once_

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It became the highlight of my day, watching her sit there by herself and it took everything I had to not go up to her and tell her just how beautiful I thought her to be. How her intelligence exceeded more than any Ravenclaw I'd ever come across. How her individuality gave me the strength and courage to break free of the barrier in which I had been caged in. How her eyes gave me a sense of comfort and how her hair was as white as snow in the most beautiful sense.

I had been watching her far longer than anyone else had, and I had longed to converse with her before that brute Potter and his gang accidentally found their way to her. To see her sitting next to the person that I hated by reputation, knowing that she saw him as a _friend_. That she thought him _nice_.

We danced once; I doubt she remembered. It was before she recognized me as her enemy, as Potter's enemy. Before she truly knew anything about the Malfoy family. It didn't seem she was one to concern herself with any matters such as that, possibly what drove me to her so. She was untainted by the bias and hatred that had come to find me. Draco Malfoy was a name and face that was feared and admired. She knew not the name.

During the Yule Ball, she donned a vintage sky blue dress that frilled outwards towards the bottom. It accented her curves in a very pleasing but conservative way, a way that drove my insides crazy. It still does. She stood outside the Great Hall in the courtyard looking upon the lake all alone. The moonlight shone off of her pale skin revealing every essence of her tranquil beauty. I followed her outside, so curious and desperate to see and comfort her. It was a time where the name Potter was simply of legend, a famous boy who went to her school. She was all mine at this glorious moment.

At first, she didn't notice me as I hid towards the entrance to the Great Hall, examining her from a fair distance. At the start of a new song, she began to dance alone, her hands positioned in front of her with the illusion of dancing with a lover. My mouth gaped open as she floated along the courtyard, her eyes closed and her mouth humming quietly along with the music bricks away from her, separated from every living soul that had come to harm her. I swore…no harm would come to her as long as I knew her, mentally or physically. I would protect her. I would always protect her.

My cowardice lifted and my feet found themselves involuntarily moving towards her. As she had her back to me, my hands nervously lifted and found their place to the back of hers, clutching them like a lifeline. It was the first moment I'd ever experienced any sort of ecstasy with the touch of a woman. The touch neither shocked nor frightened her and she continued dancing as if I had always been there, as if I had never left.

When I twirled her around where we faced each other, her chin tilted up and the edges of her mouth widened in the most delicate smile I'd ever beheld. I remain unsure if she knew who I was at that moment, if she ever figured it out or remembered, but regardless of her opinion of me then or now, I will always treasure that moment. We said not a word to each other as we intertwined our bodies closer together, and continued our tribute to the moonlight. Our bodies meshed beautifully together as if we were meant to do this forever and, for a simple moment, I thought of the future. I thought of a world without evil or deceit. I thought of a world with two little blonde children running around…and my blonde wife kissing me on a balcony in the moonlight.

Once the music stopped, our hands slowly released their hold but our eyes remained entranced in the others. We did not speak. We did not kiss. Oh, I wanted to. I was a coward. What would my family think? My friends? I was selfish and cruel – every bit a Malfoy that Potter had claimed me to be. She sensed my reluctance and her eyes broke the gaze, setting itself down to the ground. With both of our dignity still intact, I half-kneeled and gently grasped her hand, placing a deep and desperate kiss on the back of her palm. Her eyes twinkled with glee and I gave her my first genuine smile; then I did what I did best.

I disappeared.

She looked for me often. I only knew that because I was always watching her. Her eyes lifted at the sight of every blond man, then looked down in disappointment at her failure. She knew not my name or my house. It was a best-kept secret and I'd rather her not know, but my curiosity and longing was stronger than my desire to remain anonymous.


	2. so crazy right now

Sorry the chapters are so short! Once I get  
dialogue, there'll be more meat in them.  
Hope you like, though!

Review and follow! (:

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 _chapter two_ _: i fell_

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As I watched her classmates pass uneasy glances between each other when her back was turned, my heart slowly broke. The promise I made to never let harm befall her had already fallen. I watched them roll their eyes when she approached and laugh to themselves as she walked away. Perpetually unaccepted by those she was told to converse with. It was how I felt among my father's friends, if you could call them such. Forever a stranger in a group of allies. I felt so alone all the time, and it took everything in me to tell her she wasn't alone.

If she knew the real me…

No doubt Potter had told her everything there was to know about me, but I made an effort to never approach them when she was near. So all she heard were stories. She never saw the real me, and that way perhaps she could differentiate between the villain and the man that kissed her hand that one beautiful night.

I'll never tell Potter this, but I'm in eternally indebted to him. Because of him, she found someone who cared about her. People who made no ill-intended comments towards her or judged her odd mannerisms that I'd come to enjoy so much. Even as I worked for the Inquisitorial Squad, my heart filled with warmth when she skipped to the DA among the many dozens of friends she'd managed to acquire. It was more than I could have ever done for her. I could only provide her with the acquaintances of murderers and thieves at best.

Over time, it was harder to hide from her who I was. After Umbridge fully discovered their hiding place and how to access it, I had no choice but to go along with her orders to destroy them. When the hole was blasted, I saw her eyes find her way to mine, and my gaze lowered. She knew exactly who I was. It was the most shamed I'd ever felt. The impression she had of me shattered in that one look, and a little part of me did, too.

I sat on a bench in the Great Hall, waiting for their punishment to cease, feeling extremely guilty for everything that had come to her. Once again, I broke my promise to protect her. Some guardian angel I had become.

Her hand bled red, a scar that was a symbol of my failure, and as she passed me, her gaze lingered. For a moment, she stopped walking long enough to sigh; then proceeded to follow her friends – her real friends.

I fell. I fell into rage. Into depression. Into Pansy Parkinson.

After my failure, I hastily walked to the Slytherin common room with a deliberate path to Pansy's room. It didn't matter that two other girls were already in the room at the moment. It didn't matter that up until now, I'd rejected any of Pansy's advances. It didn't matter to Pansy, either. I grasped her waist tight, with no intention of letting her escape, and pinned her up against the brick wall, angrily forcing my lips upon hers.

The two other ladies left, leaving just me and her in the dormitory and she remained submissive to me. I felt masculine and powerful, traits that my father surely sought for in his youth. Traits that I had up until now despised and only upon the exposure of my true identity to the love of my life decided to indulge in.

My teeth bit hard on her lower lip as she released a groan of protest and pleasure. It was just the vice I needed. My hands shoved her onto the bed with aggressive force as I proceeded to do unspeakable things, things in which I never would have done to _her_. It was salt in an open wound, but it was delightfully painful.

I left hours later, abruptly leaving Pansy out of breath in her dormitory. When she asked where I was going, I said nothing. I had gotten what I desired and nothing more. Of course, these visits carried on longer than I'd care to say, and the emotions involved in the relationship were always unrequited. I doubt she ever had any idea that I was only using her for unethical reasons. The conversation was limited in class and inexistent during my weekly visits.

In class, Pansy would sit herself next to me. She'd grab her hand in mine and I wouldn't deny her. I'd pull her into my dormitory, angrily slamming her against the concrete wall which she perceived as heated intimacy. It was a spiral. Apathetic emotions to the public and in private I took her like the toxic, desperate whore she so desired to be.

She was nothing to me. I was everything to her.

I tried to forget about her. Luna. Pansy would surely be a woman my dad would be proud of. He'd welcome her into his family with open arms. She could continue the healthy, untainted pureblood line. But every time I got intimate with Pansy, there was someone else I was thinking of. A girl that would ruin my reputation with my family and my house.

But I couldn't have her…because I was a monster.


	3. the devil in the pale moonlight

Sorry for the lack of update!  
I'm house sitting for my parents for the month  
and they don't have wifi. But I found a source! haha.

Review and follow (:

* * *

 _chapter three: you're crazy and i'm out of my mind_

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For a while, she was a part of the past. My inclination to become something better became invisible the moment she looked at me with that cold glance, and I knew that I could never be good enough for her. So, I stopped trying. I gave into the cold vice that had been prying at my exterior for so long and I became everything my father had wanted to be. Maybe worse than he thought.

Of course, I was never strong enough for such a life, and it showed. Murder and torture weren't in my vocabulary, no matter how I or my father tried to believe it was so, and I broke down. I skipped so many classes to work on my project, but many classes were skipped to cry, not to work.

Our first words to each other will always remain very dear to my heart, and I can repeat the conversation verbatim as if it happened every day. I would never forget. It was midday when I decided to abandon all responsibilities and be by myself, sitting at the edge of where the forbidden forest meets the lake to ponder on how badly I had desired to kill myself, and if any good would come of it. I was so close to death that day.

I don't know why she was there that day; in fact, I never asked. My thoughts were focused elsewhere as I wrapped my hands around my legs and buried my tear-ridden face into my knees, longing for some sort of escape. My life had always existed behind bars, in a cell where one could not see the outdoors. It must have been so nice for people like Potter…to had always had access to light and grass. I saw none of that.

I felt a presence next to me and as I peeked to the side…there she was. She had picked a few flowers up from the grass and was picking their pedals off, one by one, occasionally glancing in my direction. Her expression was emotionless and I could not tell if she was angry or glad to see me. I wouldn't have blamed her if the former; I was a terrible person, and I wouldn't be so proud to deny it. But, I didn't like hearing it, either.

"Are you troubled?" she asked, as if we barely knew each other at all. We didn't, I suppose. I said nothing and she continued to stare at me with that fascinated look on her face, her eyes trailing down to the tears on my cheeks. "You don't have to pretend, you know, but I expect you don't want to talk about it. Is it something I've done?"

At this, I replied. "Why would it be something you've done?"

She didn't respond to that question. Perhaps she didn't want to.

"I know who you are, by the way."

"Most people do," I told her. It was the sickening pleasure that came from bearing the Malfoy name. Everyone knew and hated me for it. It comes with the curse. Though born into the name, I always wondered the outcome of my fate should I have chosen a different path. A different destiny. It wouldn't matter. The name Malfoy would forever taint anyone's judgment.

"Don't think that's true," she said, her eyes trailing off into the lake. "You're a very mysterious person, you know."

"I think most people would argue the same about you."

"I can be a bit odd sometimes, I suppose." Her hands found their way to a rock and she gracefully tossed it, the rock skipping three times before landing with a plop. This seemed to satisfy her and she smiled, looking back at me.

"I don't think you're odd," I admitted to her, my eyes carefully looking down at the ground and away from her as to not appear weak. What was I to say to the person I'd always yearned to talk to but was too afraid that they wouldn't accept me? Even as I spoke, I found myself tip-toeing through dialogue, half paralyzed. Her words made my whole body go numb.

For a while, she didn't speak and continued to play with the flowers in her hands. Every so often, she would glance in my direction. To make sure I was looking at her. My eyes could hardly look at anything but. I'm sure she noticed. A man's fixation is hard to ignore. I wonder, now, if it was flattering or slightly uncomfortable.

Not being able to stop myself, one of my hands drifted to hers and grabbed one of the flowers from her soft, white hands. Then, I used my other hand to push her hair back a bit and gently placed the flower in her gorgeous blonde locks. She looked beautiful and as my faced showed the emotion, her eyes beamed with adoration. She seemed flattered.

"I watch you cry sometimes," she said, softly. I stopped, my hands nearly frozen in place, and I only stared at her. There was not much else I could do. I only stared…she had one of those faces that seemed to repel a foul mood and was impossible to be angry with. So calming, nurturing…how had she managed to remain friendless for so long?

"Harry Potter often speaks of you as a monster," she told me. "Someone who is inhumane. But you're not, are you, Draco Malfoy?"

For some reason, the mention of my full name nearly gave me a stroke. I'd never felt anything like it before. Like a heat wave had sent an alarm through my entire system and my whole entire body was melting. Can words really do that? Can _her_ words really do that?

"I am a lot of things, Luna," I finally said. "You really don't want to know what they are."

At this, she only shrugged. As she turned towards the lake, she shifted her whole body closer to mine. Her back leaned against my chest and her head rested on my shoulder. It seemed so natural, as if she had done this all the time, and continued to stare forward as if nothing had happened. I had never felt such warmth in all my life.

It was something I couldn't contain, but had control over at the same time. It was a feeling I chose to have. Love. I had fallen in love with her.

"I wish to see you again," I suddenly said, extremely hesitantly. It was the first time I'd ever been afraid of the word no in all my life. I couldn't threaten or bribe someone for this. It was earned and certainly not well-deserved on my part.

Luna said nothing. Her head turned towards mine and placed a soft kiss on my cheek, lingering for just the right amount of time. My answer. Yes. She was so overwhelmingly tranquil. Like a fragile majestic ice sculpture. She could so easily shatter…


	4. I let it fall, my heart

hey! sorry for the late update  
and thank you so much for the kind words, schleifchen!  
they really mean a lot! I worked very hard on this story  
so I'm very glad to know that it's moving people!

aaand finally. (:

* * *

 _chapter four: i let if fall. my heart._

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I felt different that week. I actually found it in my time to smile and even took to drawing little stars in the corners of my parchment while taking notes. Blaise Zabini noticed once and snorted, asking me if I had gotten laid the night before. I said nothing, pretended like I had.

Charms class had let out the following day and the next class were the fifth year Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs. After our class let out, a collection of blue and yellow scarves scurried into the classroom, anxious for class to begin. Luna, of course, was not among them; in fact, I'm not sure she even noticed my presence. She was looking outside the window at something, her hands were by her sides, her right clutching her Charms textbook, and her left dangled beside her carelessly.

"The birds have never flown that direction before," she chimed, pointing at the ravens floating along the shore. I'd never noticed that ravens flew here.

"Even the fowl know he's coming," I replied, quietly, my mind running laps inside my head. It had always occurred to me that anything I wanted, I could never have. _He_ would always be there to take it away from me. Up until recently, I'd never been bothered by that fact.

But now I want something.

I felt Luna's hand curl into mine, her fingertips stretching my palm out as our fingers intertwined. My thumb softly grazed circles over her pale knuckles as we stood ever so frigid. Ever so careless. I never thought much of muggle literature, but it wasn't until this moment that I thoroughly felt the pain of Romeo and Juliet. I feared its accuracy…but not enough to deter me from her. There's little that could.

Upon her subtle exit, I saw that she had dropped something. As I knelt down to pick it up, I saw her linger at the door, smiling softly like the goddess she was named after. Her fingertips slowly slid across the doorframe as she gave me one last forbidden glance before attending class, the door gliding shut behind her.

It was a folded piece of parchment that she had dropped. On it were three words.

 _The docks. Midnight._

I arrived early, sitting against the edge of the boathouse. My hands rested on top of my knees as they made unnecessary twitches that excelled the more I thought about how nervous I was. In my heart, I knew I had done nothing to deserve her attention, let alone her sympathy. Can the lion really lay down with the lamb? Or would the lion devour her?

"Do you always look like that?" I heard.

At her voice, I rose slowly. The moonlight reflected off her pale skin that revealed a goddess-like state. It was fitting. I was not worthy. She was dressed in a black slender dress with a sky blue sweater jacket drawn over it. It was so simple. So beautiful.

"Like what?" I found myself to ask.

She walked towards me, my mind counting the steps as she drew nearer. With every step, I felt my heart beat faster. Her hands found their way to my jacket as she lightly caressed and straightened it, then towards the center of my chest as she loosened my tie a bit. Her hands stayed on my chest as she slowly met my gaze.

"Wounded," she told me. Is it that obvious, I thought.

I said nothing as I let out a long, chilled breath. Luna closed her eyes, taking it in, and I collapsed my forehead against hers, nearing tears. I didn't feel a bit self-conscious. In fact, for the first time, I felt I knew me. I felt as if I had lost my soul for sixteen years…and then I finally found it. It was resting in her…waiting.

"You are extraordinary, Luna Lovegood," I sighed.

"Am I?" she asked, quietly.

"Can I tell you something?" I said, hesitantly. She rose from our collapsed position and gently held both of my hands in hers, her thumbs tracing pictures on my fingers. "We've had two conversations at best…how is it that I feel as if I've already fallen in love with you? I…"

She said nothing, just waiting for me to continue.

"I've lived in darkness my whole life, Luna. My whole life, I've wanted it to just be over. Death is so simple. But with you…here, now…there's light. _You_ are my light."

I felt tears fall down my cheeks as I avoided her gaze, looking at the ground. I've never broke down in front of anyone before. Up until now, no one had ever seen me cry.

Light feathered hands caressed my face as she brushed the tears away with her thumb and our gaze met. I couldn't help it any more.

Her lips were as light as snow, and her tongue danced circles in my mouth. She was so timid, and I could tell this was her first experience. So I took charge. My hands gently but violently drew her close to me as I rapidly rotated her whole body and knocked her against the boathouse door. I felt her lips vibrate as she softly moaned in the process, smiling as she did so. I was so present in this moment, so content with my decision. They say love at first sight doesn't exist. I would've married her that one soft night if she'd have let me.

She let me direct the pace, becoming submissive to every direction I guided. There is something correlated with corrupted men and innocent women. Each plays their part. She wanted to be submissive…and I needed to be dominant. To have control over something…just once.

My hand found its way to the doorknob as I slowly guided her in, then leaned her against the other side of the closed door in a room where nothing else mattered. Her kisses were so delightfully desperate, as if she were a baby bird longing to be fed by her mother. She was ever so dependent in this moment, and for the first time since I was a boy, I felt strong.

Only she could make me feel that way.

The ritual was slow…and perfect. On the ground in the boathouse at midnight, we contributed our tribute to the moonlight. The moon's rays radiated off her pale, naked skin as I worshiped her with all my body and soul. When we concluded, she lay her head against my bare chest and I counted every breath she took, every slow and satisfying breath.

This was nothing like my times with Pansy. Fast and apathetic, leaving immediately after my dirty laundry was concluded. I left Pansy in heats of passion, satisfying my needs and my needs alone, and left her to rot only to return when my needs came back. With Luna…it was different. It was a reluctant privilege that I was so hesitant to but longed so tragically for. She was my forbidden fruit, and I had finally been allowed a taste.

"I am very fond of you, Draco Malfoy," she told me. I smiled.

"Well, I should bloody hope so," I laughed, playing with her shimmering hair. She smiled back at me, turning on her side. My fingers lowered down to her chest drawing circles with the tips of my fingertips around the very center of her tender spots, pinching ever so softly. She watched every movement.

"Are they that enticing?" she asked.

"Oh, they're more than that," I replied. My mouth caved in on me again and my tongue found its way back to her again, tracing her body all the way from her belly button to her neck. I could feel her body tense as she collapsed onto her back, letting me explore. She was so captivating. I couldn't stop myself.

"Are we going to do this again?" she asked through pleasurable breaths.

"Why, did I wear you out?" I grinned.

"No," she replied. "You woke me up."

I drew her close to me and she immediately responded, curling her entire body into mine as I wrapped my arm around her gently. And we both just lay there…every so often, I would kiss her forehead. I'd never felt this. Love.

"It is a bit complicated, though, isn't it?" I finally said, thinking.

"Rather," she replied. "I'm not sure Harry Potter would be too pleased."

"Oh, I'm quite positive he wouldn't be," I laughed.

It was a joke…and I laughed the best I could. It was true, though. Could the love of Draco Malfoy really outweigh the friendship of Harry Potter? Who was I to even come close? She could only have one or the other. One could never have both.

"Your father wouldn't either," she concluded.

"No…he wouldn't," I admitted. In Lucius Malfoy's eyes, the Lovegoods would be blood traitors. Pure of blood but tainted all the same. They're on the side of the angels. "My mother might, though. Or I at least think she'd come around."

"My father would like you," she told me. "He'd think you're mad…and say welcome to the family."

I grinned. I'd very much like to meet her father. Bet he's every bit as mad as she is.

"And your mother?"

At this she was silent.

"She passed away some time ago," she whispered.

"I'm so sorry," I said, slightly speechless.

"It's alright," she said in her flighty voice. Even though I knew it wasn't.

We talked for a bit about our families. I think she'd already known my father's connection to Voldemort, and therefore mine. I didn't share with her too much, only that I regretted most of my existence. She spoke of her mother and father. About how she grew up in the middle of nowhere and got picked on as a child…and her mother would take her pumpkin picking every year for Halloween. Her life seemed so spectacular compared to mine. Normal. It's what I'd always wanted.

"What are we going to do about us, Luna?" I finally asked.

She sighed, her hand tracing the side of my chest up and down again.

"I imagine just…something like this?"

Secret engagements at midnight…for now, it would do.


	5. Love Me like you Do

Sorry for the wait!  
Was a very busy season but I finally  
found time to work on this story again!  
Hope you like this somewhat longer chapter (:

* * *

 _chapter five: love me like you do_

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Despite all the strength I received from her attention, there was still one harboring secret that drained any scent of courage in my being. It was my unbearable weakness, my ghost that would never leave me alone. For my life had narrowed down to two important, yet conflicting, people: Luna…and Voldemort.

If not for her consistent loyalty, I surely doubt I would've made it out alive. I had nothing left in me to go on apart from her. My dependence on my family had dwindled once I'd realized what they had become. What I would be forced to become due to their stubborn negligence. I was and have always been a coward and I wouldn't be so thick as to deny said fact. I am by no means Harry Potter.

Having said that…there's no way Harry Potter could have survived what I faced. For if I was strong…if I had been brave…Voldemort would have killed me long ago.

"Remind me what I'm to do again, then?"

"Oh for Merlin's sake, Crabbe. I should've enchanted the potato from dinner to assist me instead!"

Ahh, yes. There's that lovely Malfoy-feigned personality. It was always easy to bully pathetic people. People who couldn't do anything to you. Crabbe and Goyle had always been an easy stimulant to feel as if I had control. For in my current situation, I had absolutely none.

"All you have to do is plant this in the girls lavatory. I'll take care of the rest."

In my head, in my current state of mind, everything that I had done, that I had planned to do, it was all for her. That completing this psychopathic mission meant the end to a war I wanted no part in. I'm not exactly sure what it was that I planned to do afterwards. All I knew was that if I was unsuccessful…if I returned to the manor empty handed…neither myself nor my family would make it out with their lives.

Is it so selfish to want to live? To keep your family alive? Most people, I believe, wouldn't hesitate to die for their loved ones…but would you kill for them?

My plan backfired that day. The necklace I had originally planned for Dumbledore instead ended up in the gloved hands of Katie Bell, a chaser from the Gryffindor Quidditch team. Dare I say, a very talented athlete. I was standing in front of the Three Broomsticks when it happened. In the distance, I saw the young girl rise into the air and plummet to the ground with force. I knew then that my first attempt had failed and I was back to square one.

A lot of things went through my mind at that point, but the main one that kept circling around and around was Luna.

We had met up more than a few times since that night, and yet I told her nothing of my vicious intentions for the upcoming school year. The reason I told myself was the obvious one…that she would immediately run to Harry Potter, betray me, and I would then become the youngest detainee to Azkaban in history. Of course, that wasn't the _real_ reason.

She saw me a crooked angel. All the feelings of fear and agony faded whenever she entered a room and I could not let that feeling free. If she knew the real me…would she ever look upon me with love again? Surely not. I would lose her forever.

My feet found their way to the Three Broomsticks and I lifelessly found my way to their front bar. The bartender looked at me skeptically while she cleaned a glass.

"Can I have a barrel brandy, please?" I asked, my hands rubbing my eyes.

"You know we don't serve students here, Mr. Malfoy," she replied.

I sighed, slightly annoyed, my hand raising.

"Well, can't you make an exception?" I asked, rather irritably.

Before she could answer, a dark presence appeared directly beside me. I didn't even bother looking. I knew exactly who it was.

"Put his drink on mine, Rosmerta…and leave the bottle as well."

She eyed the man suspiciously but then sighed, turning around to make the drink and placed the drink and the bottle before me.

"Cheers," I said quietly, lifting the glass up immediately.

"That's twice you owe me, Severus," she said viciously before storming off. I scoffed a bit as she did, my lovely Malfoy sneer showing itself.

I continued ignoring him until I could tell he was finally getting impatient. I had nothing to say to him before…and I have nothing to say to him now.

"Something you want to tell me, Draco?" Severus Snape asked, not taking his eye off me for a second.

I finally turned towards him. Without breaking eye contact, I downed the entire glass of brandy that had been placed before me and then stood up. I grabbed the bottle that he had purchased for me and glared at him, aggressively.

"Nothing at all… _professor_ ," I sneered, and then walked out the door.

I didn't dare return to Hogwarts until I knew that the scene had officially cleared and I could go about my way without arising suspicion; therefore, instead of heading towards the castle, I went towards the forest just on the edge of where Hogsmeade met the Shrieking Shack. I leaned myself on a slight downward incline, proceeded to drink the entire bottle of brandy, and eventually drank myself to sleep.

I didn't awake until much later when I heard the call of my own name from afar. I couldn't find enough energy to awake as the alcohol prevented me from a certain extent of mobility. Moments later, I heard it again, and as I opened my eyes I saw a pale, fair-haired figure in front of me. My surroundings were filled with darkness apart from a small light depicting from her wand.

"Draco?!" Luna asked, her voice sounding extremely worried. "What are you _doing_ out here?"

"Oh…just waiting for the wolves to come," I said, quite slurred. "I thought it might be a less painful death than the alternative."

I heard a small sloshing around as I saw Luna pick up the bottle of brandy that lay beside me. Apart from a very small ounce of liquid, it was completely empty. She pursed her lips together for a moment, clearly contemplating her next move. Meanwhile, my drunken hand slowly found her way to hers and I dizzily played with her fingers for a bit, smiling as I did so.

"You're the one lovely thing I ever had, you know," I said, very slowly. Had I not have been pissed drunk, I'm sure it would've been an extremely romantic moment; however, I ruined it by promptly vomiting all over my chest directly afterwards. I remember her lightly chuckling and that was enough for me to think that my life hadn't been a complete failure. That I wasn't a plague on this land.

After all…if that lovely little Luna loved me….how bad could I be?

"Can you put your arm around me, Draco?" she suddenly asked, kneeling down next to me and slowly attempting to lift me up. It wasn't easy; I was much taller and heavier than she was, but she put one arm around my waist, gently wiped the vomit off my chin and neck with her own sleeve, and then pulled my arm over her shoulder to gently lift me up.

As my feet proceeded on, I felt my eyes close and entrusted her that she would guide my feet to where they needed to go. I had absolutely no control over that moment…and yet I felt completely safe. More safe that I had ever felt with my mother or my father.

A few times before the castle, we had to stop while I vomited all the toxins that I had previously took part in. She never said a word and simply cleaned up my face afterwards and even proceeded to position herself closer to me, not farther away.

"We've stopped," I said after walking for a good long time. Of course it felt a lot longer than it actually was. "Where are we, Luna?"

She said nothing. I began to panic.

"Luna?!" I called desperately.

I felt her arms squeeze tight around my shoulders and a kiss upon my cheek.

"Just trust me," she cooed.

And I did. More than anyone.

" _He_ is not welcome here, young Lovegood," I heard. Upon opening my eyes, I realized where we were…she was taking me to her dorm. We were speaking to the eagle portrait before the entrance of the Ravenclaw common room. Before I could protest, she spoke.

" _Please_ ," she begged. "He is ill. I mean only to care for him."

"Very well," the statue said, hesitantly. "Only if he can answer this riddle will I grant him access."

At this, Luna looked quite defeated as she gave a sort of tortured look towards me. I simply sighed and looked up at the eagle.

"I accept," I said, rather reluctantly. At this, the eagle laughed.

"I can sizzle like bacon, am made with an egg.  
I have plenty of backbone, but lack a good leg.  
I peel layers like onions but still remain whole.  
I can be long like a flagpole, yet fit in a hole.  
What am I, young Slytherin?"

Perhaps it was my drunken state, or my current feeling of self-loathing, that I just happened to know the answer to that question. In fact, it seemed to be intentionally ironic on the eagle's part. As if to assume that I was every bit revolting as her riddle claimed me to be.

With drunken and agonizing confidence, I lifelessly gave my answer.

"A snake," I said, choking out my response a bit.

The statue smiled.

"Such is the disgusting filth you are, young Slytherin. Enter."

As she guided me into the portrait, my foot caught the bottom barrier and I stumbled onto the floor, coughing in pathetic weakness. She was right there by my side while the golden eagle chuckled in the backround. I felt so humiliated and defeated, and still I couldn't tell her a damned thing about why. Was the Dark Lord watching? And what would he do to this lovely little Ravenclaw if he found out? I shuddered to even suggest the motion.

"Come on, Draco," she cooed, softly. "Upstairs."

I followed her words, rather unwillingly I must admit. Whilst a prefect, I was pretty confident in the fact that if found in a student's dormitories outside my house jurisdiction would forfeit my rank, especially if found in the Ravenclaw household. However, I was in no shape to survive without her care…and I did not want to, for that matter.

"Luna, what of your roommates?" I asked.

"Oh," she said, rather solemnly. "I don't have any."

"How do you mean?" I asked. "Rebecca Wilson is your year; where is she?"

"Oh, how do you know Rebecca?" she asked, carelessly, clearly dodging the question with her flighty Ravenclaw wit. I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever," I mumbled.

"Here we are," she said, brushing it off. She guided me to her bed and I fell onto it drastically, my head suddenly swimming in every which direction.

Her room was exactly as I'd pictured it, with a few differences of course. There were ornaments colored like onions hanging from the top of her bunker (probably to keep the wrackspurts away), lamps of several different sizes and colors scattered all about, and pictures of her friends hanging from the walls by her bedside. None were of me, of course. We had no picture together. I suppose I hadn't realized that until now.

Her eyes followed my gaze and she suddenly smiled, swiftly reaching underneath her pillow and pulling out a torn picture from a newspaper, it seemed, then handed it to him. It was a picture of him on his Nimbus 2001, the broomstick he received from his father in his second year, on the Quidditch field. The picture must have been taken and put into the Quidditch Trophy Room along with a number of the other players. The edges of his mouth thinned a bit as he processed the fact that she kept this picture closer to her than any of the others at all times. It meant more than she could ever know.

"You keep a picture of me?" he asked, close to tears.

She said nothing, only smiled and stared at me with that empty gaze full of nothing at all but love. No greed, no pride, no nothing….just pure adoration.

"You want to kiss me, don't you?" she observed. "But you don't want to because you've vomited so much."

I could do nothing but laugh.

"Yes," I smirked. "Exactly that."

She reached over to grab something out of her desk drawer. It was a small box and when she opened it, revealed a few mints and held out her hand for me to grab them. Staring at her hand, I smiled, bent over and licked them straight out of her palm. After staring at her for a few moments, she was the one to lean in and had me pinned onto the bed.

It was only a few moments. She lightly kissed me, her lips like feathers, and then simply laid her head down onto my chest and my fingers lightly played with her hair.

We stayed like that for a while and I thought we were to both fall asleep like that when she spoke again.

"You were the one who cursed Katie Bell, weren't you, Draco?"

She did not look up at me as she asked the questions. Her fingers fidgeted on my chest as she asked and my breaths suddenly became heavy. Good at reading, she was.

"Well," I sighed. "Not… _exactly_ that."

"Is it intended for Harry Potter?" she asked. I couldn't suppress a small smile.

"No," I told her, honestly. "It's not for Harry Potter."

"Good," she said softly. "Because that would be bad."

I paused for a moment.

"Yes," I agreed. "That would be bad."


	6. i have to block out thoughts of you

Hi everyone!  
Extra long chapter today because I suck at updating  
(as I mention in nearly every chapter)  
Sad chapter though :(

* * *

 _chapter six: i have to block out thoughts of you (so i don't lose my head)_

* * *

In the past week, I'd rarely left my quarters. As pale as my normal complexion was, I noticed my skin getting lighter and lighter with each passing day. I could not eat. I could not sleep. I skipped all my classes, drank all my liquor, and laid in my bed motionless. All I could do…was read.

 _Draco_ ,  
 _The moon told me you weren't feeling well these past few days. I do hope you feel better.  
Luna_

I got letters from her often. After my stay at her dormitory, we hadn't seen each other in weeks. Mainly out of my own shame but I was also too unfit to venture outside my common room. I could not write her for I could not think of anything to say and obviously I couldn't have any of my Slytherin comrades send a message to her. I couldn't tell them that the main reason I couldn't sleep was because of her.

 _Draco,  
Harry Potter has been saying very terrible things lately. I don't believe what they say about you, you know. Please come back.  
Luna  
P.S. I told Harry Potter I was ill and asked him to brew me a tonic. I didn't tell him it was for you. He probably wouldn't have made it were that the case. He's been rather gifted with potions lately. I don't think it's a coincidence._

Damnit did that tonic work, though I'd never tell Potter that. Ever.

 _Draco,  
Here is the latest issue of the Quibbler. My father wrote an article called Death Eaters and their Dreadful Dental Habits. I don't think you have bad breath, but it might save you the trouble. Hope you're feeling better.  
Luna_

I did read that article. It was surprisingly unrelated to hygiene.

 _Draco,  
Have I said something bad? I told Rebecca Wilson that I loved someone and she said they must be mad. Are you angry with me?  
Luna_

I must've read all of them a thousand times by now. And I hadn't responded to a single solitary one.

 _Draco,  
I love you. I thought you might like that.  
Luna  
P.S. If you love me, will you see me tomorrow at midnight? Near the thestrals? I know you can see them…_

* * *

It was a dreary Sunday morning that I finally found myself fit and able to function out of bed. However, I was in no mental shape to face any of the demons that lurked around the castle so I made my way to the Quidditch pitch, alone, rain pouring heavily down to where I could barely make out any objects surrounding me. It was a strange and bewildering feeling to fly in the rain, the water washing away pretty much everything and a large part of me pondered the idea of disappearing into the thick clouds of mist and never turning back. The only thing that kept me from doing so was the one thing I would be leaving behind. My sunshine, my light, the only decent thing that had ever happened to me.

I could never keep her, I thought. She would never stay. Like all good things, she'd see the monster in me and leave forever. The truth would sully her impression of me and, to be quite honest, I wouldn't blame her in the slightest. In fact, I'd honestly judge her for not leaving me sooner.

For who could ever learn to love a beast?

At this point I was too deep in my thoughts before I realized how high I'd actually flown and Hogwarts castle seemed like a tiny ant hill at this point. And then it came…out of nowhere.

Tears.

I'm not exactly sure what triggered it, only they've been coming up every so often ever since the Katie Bell incident. Now, I wasn't sure if she saw me that day or heard my voice in her head directing her back to the castle. I only knew that if she mentioned me at all…I was doomed.

And I've never been so terrified in all my life.

If unsuccessful, I would be the youngest inmate to Azkaban in history…and I couldn't be that.

At the very least, rain could masque my tears and I stayed up there for a good twenty minutes, attempting to cleanse myself of guilt. People like Harry Potter never understood. Did he not think I knew the consequences of my actions? That I didn't know _exactly_ what I was doing? What lives I was destroying?

He also thought I slept at night.

But devils don't sleep.

As I came back to the surface, there was a figure standing in the grass that shouldn't have surprised me. Expressionless, I slowed down to a halt and dismounted from my broom, facing the one person that would bring about my salvation…I was just too stubborn at the time.

"Professor," I said quietly.

He escorted me back to his quarters for a private conversation. Normally, I'd refuse but at that moment I was in such a hysterical fit that I was in no position to refuse comfort, regardless on who it ended up being. I had no answers to anything. I knew not who to trust nor which decision I was meant to make. I knew Snape could relate.

"You're not giving me much to help you with, Mr. Malfoy," he finally said after closing his office door.

"Well, I'm not meant to, am I?" I said, feigning calm. He knew the drill. He'd been a pawn of the evil lord just as much as I. None of this secrecy should shock him.

"Your Aunt has put words and thoughts in your head that are misguided, Draco. Whether or not that stubborn façade refuses to accept it or not, you _need_ my help."

"My Aunt doesn't trust you," I told him. "That doesn't mean I agree with her."

"Then why hide your intentions? I can assist you, Draco. Why hide your plan from me?"

Finally, I could not.

" _Because I don't have any, okay?!"_

I sighed and covered my mouth with my hand, sitting down on the couch his office, collapsing my head into my hands.

"I don't want to do this, Severus," I whimpered, the tears finding their way back to stain my cheeks and I could see Snape putting his guard down a bit. He slowly found his way to the chair beside me.

"Draco, you must be mindful of your feelings. Surely if nothing else, your Aunt Bellatrix would have taught you that."

I stared at him, oddly.

"How do you mean?" I asked.

"One of the only charming qualities about your Aunt is her ability to block out all emotion. And that trait comes with certain…perks. I'm talking about Occlumency, Draco."

"She did teach me….over the summer," I admitted. "I could feel you in my head this fall, poking around. It's what's kept you so frustrated, I expect."

Snape frowned.

"She didn't train you well enough, Draco," he said.

I paused, staring at him.

"Meaning what?"

"Just what exactly were you planning to do about Luna?"

And then it came.

My head threw forward like a terrible reflex and I found myself heaving up the poison that I'd held in for so long. I hadn't eaten in days so the acid scraped my throat as it was thrust out. I cried out in pain and agony and then I just sat there, my head between my knees, the pathetic mess that I was.

I felt Snape silently sit in the seat beside me as I pondered what it was exactly that I was supposed to do next.

"How long have you known?" I asked.

"I've always known, Draco," he said.

All I could do was laugh. Laugh in a pathetic 'it's over' sort of way.

"Tell me I haven't killed her already, Professor," I begged. He said nothing. "I knew I shouldn't have…I wasn't thinking, I just…"

More vomit. I'd never felt so humiliated and beaten down. I didn't have the answers. I never did.

"You ever think you're not who you thought you were? Do you know how _bloody confusing_ that is?!"

"Draco-"

"No!" I screamed, my hands pulling on my hair until I felt I'd ripped my skull apart. "I can't do this, Snape! He's gonna kill me, he's gonna kill… _everyone._ I can't-"

At this, he firmly grabbed my shoulders giving me a more intense gaze than I'd ever seen Snape give before. I glared at him through tears and frustration. There's no way he could make this better. I knew that. He was the only one that could take it, though.

"Listen to me, Draco," he said in a scolding matter. "You can't? You _must._ You _will_ find a way to complete your mission."

"At what cost?" I whispered. "He'll kill everybody anyway; I'm only prolonging the inevitable."

I shoved him off me and wiped whatever leftover vomit from my mouth on my sleeve. It was hopeless, wasn't it? Harry Potter already suspected me from day one and, as the headmasters favorite student, I would be number one on their top suspect column. They search my dormitory or follow me around even half-carelessly; they'd find what I was up to.

It's not like I worked very hard to hide it….maybe I did that on purpose.

Snape was silent for a beat.

"If that is what the Dark Lord desires," he started.

At this I scoffed.

"Don't act like you give one bloody baron about his demands. You talk like one of them, you're not; I'm no fool."

"Be mindful of your words, Mr. Malfoy…or they may be your last."

"Is that a threat?" I asked, viciously. "Do your worst. I'm dead anyway."

"And what of your parents? And Luna? I remind you, there's more at stake than just your life."

Oh, he didn't need to remind me. I've been mulling over that fact since the Dark Lord took me into his quarters and assigned me this death-or-glory mission. I won't deny to being a selfish being, susceptible to every dark and light temptation on the map. Whiskey and Luna were my vices. I suppose the Dark Lord didn't much mind the former.

I suppose I knew what had to be done, but that selfish being thought that maybe, just maybe, I could keep her. Just one beautiful thing. Would the Dark Lord mind so terribly if I lay with a raven? But in my heart, I knew what must be done.

And I should have done it long ago.

"I'm seeing her tonight…" I told him. "I'll end it."

* * *

Fog had disguised the thick of the forest as I made my way through to meet her. At that moment, I focused very little on what I was meant to say to her that night. It had been weeks, months since I had seen her warm, pale complexion and I was going into withdrawal. There was a strong temptation to go against my word to Snape and just declare my love for her to the world. Only that would doom us certainly.

I couldn't drag her down to my fate. Her destiny was much longer than mine, and if my only accomplishment in life was keeping her alive through all this, I'd die peacefully.

I'll never forget that smile upon her face the moment I appeared in the thick of the forest, near the horses that resembled my cold, black heart. Funny how she found beauty in them, really. She finds the light in darkness, somehow. Creatures that were ignored, feared, and even hated…and yet she found herself drawn to them. Misunderstood, she called them. Grotesque monsters and she found them beautiful. Like me, I couldn't help but think.

She said nothing and struggled quickly through the twigs and branches to get near to me, embracing me like a long, lost love. I drowned myself in her hold, nearly forgetting my purpose in even being here.

"I'm glad to see you," she whispered softly.

I took a deep breath. I had nearly forgotten the sound of her voice and how much strength it gave me. She would never know the extent of my love for her. Especially not after tonight. The thought of breaking her heart was more painful than a thousand arrows…but that's not half as bad as if something happened to her.

Knowing it had been my fault…and what I could've done to prevent it.

"You can't begin to know how much I wished to see you," I told her, truthfully, and motioned her to sit beside me near a fallen log. She adjusted the edges of her skirt to sit near me and I grasped her hands in mine firmly.

"I had a lot on my mind, Luna, and I just…didn't want you to see me like that."

She pursed her lips together a bit.

"I'd never think ill of you, Draco."

I only smiled pathetically, scratching the back of my head.

"I know you wouldn't," I sighed. "But I do."

At this, she said nothing and seemed to have stared off into space. Not being able to withstand it any longer, my long gracefully pulled her chin towards mine as I politely kissed her soft lips. It slowly turned into a more passionate kiss that left me feeling a bit out of breath afterwards. I could feel her cold breath slowly freeze my cheeks giving me chills down my spine.

"Is what Harry Potter says true?" she asked suddenly. Clearly, this question had been on her mind. It didn't even phase me when she asked, honestly, but while I should get used to her frequent mentions of the precious Harry Potter, it doesn't necessarily swallow easily. I suppose I'm jealous of the time he gets to spend with her. Trips to Hogsmeade, meals at the Great Hall. We weren't allowed to do any of that; more by my request than hers. I'm sure she'd introduce our love to her gang at any moment if I gave her permission. The only problem was I did not.

Yet she never objected. Not once.

"What does the famous Harry Potter say?" I finally asked.

"He called you a Death Eater, among many other things," she said, quite flakey-like.

I don't even think she 100% even knew what it was he was accusing me of. She only knew it was something bad. Something a half-decent human being would definitely _not_ want to be. Something I 100% most definitely _was_.

Gradually, I reached down toward my sleeve to reveal something. Something I'd never revealed to anyone but members of the Slytherin party. I figured even if she told Harry Potter or anyone else that they wouldn't believe her. Not that I think ill of her in any way, but I'm not quite sure many of her friends take her very seriously.

She is known to say bizarre things. One of my favorite things about her.

Her fingers traced my revolting tattoo, the lines of the snake to the skull and back again. She seemed entranced in a way, a way that I've never seen anybody look at it before. Not disgust. Not admiration or fear. Almost…pity. And I'd never gotten that reaction before.

"What does it mean?" she asked, timidly.

"That I am beholden to Him."

Her fingers retracted from the snake as if it had bitten her and I re-covered the tattoo with my sleeve, refusing to acknowledge it. Her hands still lightly traced the edges of my sleeve where it had been.

I felt her eyes on me as I stared straight forward. I'd never been at all afraid of anyone's opinion of it or me until now, I expect. With many relationships, I figured this would be an end to it if anything. Perhaps it would be better off if she left me. Possibly safer than the alternative, though I didn't cherish the notion.

She said nothing, except her fingers lightly touched my arm and began to tug the sleeve away from my forearm as she began to trace the tattoo again. This time, I could feel her nails press against my skin.

The silence was killing me.

"You're not safe by me, Luna," I told her. One tear escaped my eye as I pursed my lips together until I could no longer hold it. I wept.

I wept like a child and she simply put her arm around me as I buried my face in her shoulder. Her fingers ran through my hair and her lips kissed my forehead, completely silent. I hadn't had a chance to weep with company since I was a small child. For a person to stand by my side, no wise cracks, no discipline for being weak, a person…a girl…sitting here next to me, holding me while I cried.

"Luna?" I said, desperately.

"I'm here, Draco," she said softly.

"Please stay away from me," I begged. Her hands stopped stroking my hair. "I won't be able to keep myself from you. I have no self control. But I love you, Luna, and I can't have anything happen to you. He's here, Luna, in my head. I can feel him…all the time. I can't stop, but I need to know you'll be safe. Far away from me."

She was silent for a beat. I sat up from my perched position on her shoulder and began to wipe my tears off on my sleeve like a beaten down child. Strangely, I didn't feel embarrassed. I thought I might be. Certainly, if it had been any other individual, I would've beaten them to a pulp or sullied their names directly afterwards. With her, I felt incredibly safe. Funny how I'm safe with her and yet she's in danger with me.

"If that is what you want," she finally said. I only laughed.

"It's not," I replied bluntly.

She smiled softly and grabbed her hand in mine, tracing my knuckles with her fingertips. Voldemort could never take her from me. I'd die before I let that happen.

"Okay," she said.

I frowned.

"Okay, what?"

"Okay, I'll run from you…so long as you promise to run after me once Harry Potter wins."

I couldn't help but smile. She had such faith in that boy; it truly was remarkable. Me, I guess, I'm a pessimist. I look at someone like Harry Potter and I see someone who is truly powerful and intelligent (though don't ever tell him I said that). But then I look at someone like Voldemort…and all hope is lost.

"I promise," is what I said, however. "I'll run after you."

Assuming I'm still alive.


	7. dreams last so long

Yeah, I know; it's been a while.  
I'm just a super perfectionist with this story.  
Hope you like the update!

* * *

 _chapter seven:_ _dreams last so long (even after you're gone)_

* * *

I hardly slept that night. I was so convinced that I had made the right decision. That I wasn't to have any regrets. There was a job I had to do and not only would she get in the way of said job but I risked her safety if she remained. It was the sensible and logical choice and, for the first time in a long time, I felt I had done something good. Something that mattered.

Though why did I feel so terrible?

Deciding I needed some air, I slowly arose from my bed noting the sun was near rising on the horizon. Snow began to fall I noticed in the small dungeon window in the top portion of our dormitory so I gathered a heavy winter jacket and boots as I made my way outside of the Slytherin common room.

What I saw both appalled and nearly killed me.

There was a girl lying face down on the ground with blonde, shimmering hair…and a blue and silver scarf around her neck. In shock, I threw myself down to the ground near her head and, once I verified the identity of the victim, screamed.

"LUNA!"

I awoke from my bed, jumping as if I had just been stabbed. My heart beating, I looked around the room and saw all of my dorm mates still asleep and realized that it could be no later than midnight. The sun wasn't even nearing shine. I could feel sweat dripping off my forehead as I wrestled with the understanding that it had all been a dream. That being said, even though it was a dream, it was still highly realistic. I hadn't slept in weeks, partly due to dreams just like this.

Luna and I had minimal interactions since our amicable separation, for lack of a better term. She seemed to hold no vendetta towards me, which I honestly expected. Had it had been the other way around, I probably would have pitched a fit about her being selfish and careless. How she had dragged me along just so she could feel better about herself. How if I die, it's on her.

Of course, Luna Lovegood was not Draco Malfoy. And thank goodness for that.

There were a few times we've interacted.

I had arrived early for breakfast one morning, mostly due to insomnia, and was eating by myself. She came by just for a moment, placing her hand on my shoulder, squeezing slightly, and walked away.

My Charms class always proceeds hers and her and I have always shared the same desk. When I arrived to our chair for charms class, she had left behind a drawing of a raven and a snake sleeping side by side, the ravens head resting peacefully on the snake's neck and the snake lovingly curling up against the raven.

Another time, it was just a glance we shared. I had been sitting in the courtyard with Crabbe and Goyle and Luna had been standing talking with her friends Hermione and Ginny. While Crabbe and Goyle proceeded to talk about the latest Quidditch tournament and her friends Hermione and Ginny had their own private conversation (most likely about men), Luna and I shared a glance. It was as if we were having our own private conversation from yards away. Smiling softly and nodding, then our eyes glancing away when our name was mentioned in conversation.

"What are you staring at?" Hermione and Goyle asked.

"Nothing," we both said.

It was these moments that meant more to me than anything in the world and as I stressed out about my vicious plot to take down Headmaster Albus Dumbledore, possibly the greatest headmaster in the history of Hogwarts, thinking about Luna took my mind off such unpleasant things.

I made a habit of following her around often. Not so much to check up on her, although I took to doing that too. Mainly her presence soothed me and seeing her walking past with her happy skip and shimmering hair was a nice, calming distraction. Forget about Katie Bell tucked away in the hospital wing. Forget about the bottle of poison that I'd arranged Slughorn to gift to Dumbledore (through a third party, of course). Forget about the worst-case-scenario cabinet in the recreational room, knowing anyone could stumble upon it. Forget about the fact that if the next two ideas failed it would be the end of me and my parents lives.

When she walked by, all that mattered was that I was a boy in love. Hopelessly in love.

Luna made a habit of going to the library every Friday afternoon to read her father's latest issue of the Quibbler that he sent her that morning. I distanced myself from her but I knew she noticed my presence. I could be wrong but I had a feeling my presence calmed her, too.

This particular Friday afternoon, she had a visitor. Famous Harry Potter himself and I couldn't help but narrow my eyes at him as he sat himself beside her. It took everything in me to not push him aside and drag her out of the library. Harry Potter was her friend; I had to accept that.

"Hello, Harry Potter," she said, her eyes still glued on her father's magazine.

"Luna," Harry greeted, smiling at her. "Haven't seen you much lately. Everything all right?"

The edge of Luna's mouth widened a bit. Only a bit.

"Yes, fine," she replied. "I suspect your year has been more occupied than mine."

 _What a lie,_ I thought.

"Just about," he laughed.

Rolling my eyes, I couldn't take this small talk much longer and made to leave, making my way towards the door; however, what Harry said next made me stop and I leaned my ear against the bookshelf between us to further eavesdrop on their conversation. Clearly, stalking was not so far above me.

"Listen, I wanted to ask you," he said. I frowned. This wasn't good. "Well, Professor Slughorn's having a Christmas party and I was wondering if you'd like to join me. As friends, naturally. Hermione and Neville will be there, though I think Neville's too shy to ask you."

I could feel her smile from behind the bookshelf. I couldn't help but hate that she was smiling. Neville fancied her? Pathetic little git.

"The collector of the well-endowed?" she asked. "Well, I suppose I do need a distraction. The nargles are strongest in the winter."

Had I not have been feeling slightly vengeful at the time, I might've burst out laughing. Only she would mention something as ridiculous as that.

"Erm, okay," Harry said. "Does that mean yes?"

"Of course, Harry Potter," she said calmly.

"Great," Harry said, laughing hesitantly. "Meet you tomorrow at the Great Hall at six?"

Of course, I made arrangements to position myself within the Great Hall at exactly 5:30, one half-hour before the famous Harry Potter was meant to take Luna to the ball. Not that there was much that could be done either way. I'd made my decision and whoever she may or may not end up with as a result of those actions was none of my business. I was meant to keep to my business and focus on the much-more-dire contract instead to prevent the Dark Lord or anyone else observing my actions or thoughts.

 _It's for her protection_ , I tried to convince myself.

I saw her enter the Great Hall early in the most bizarrely enchanting dress that I'd ever seen her in. It was a bronze knee-length dress that frilled outwards three times with black leggings and glossy Polaris earrings that ones eyes could get lost in. She never did cease to take my breath away as her eyes glanced around the Great Hall searching for her partner. Of course, I found my breath again when I realized that it was not I she was searching for, but my arch nemesis, so to speak.

I could not make out any dialogue. All I saw was that disgusting Harry Potter smile in delight towards my beloved, take her gentle hand, and slightly bow, chuckling as he did so. She beamed with delight and grasped her hands together rocking her shoulders back and forth. Harry Potter reached his hand forward, gesturing Luna in front of him and as she stepped forward, he gently placed his other arm across the small of her back.

What is the opposite of butterflies in your stomach? I felt an uneasy sensation in my stomach as the two walked away, like frogs croaking uncontrollably. I never thought that letting go of her I'd be thrusting her into the arms of my adversary straight away.

It brought out a lot of that vengeful side of me that Luna had been so talented at extinguishing before. I was not a good person without her. Without her, I had no morals. I had no guidance. Reason. All I knew was wrong and Luna.

Who could've guessed that I was such a romantic?

I know I wouldn't have.

I waited a bit after the two of them had left, fingering the picture that she had drawn for me days before. The snake and the raven sleeping peacefully together. If only.

After waiting a satisfactory amount of time, I made my way down to the party. For what reason, I still wasn't sure. Jealousy had never been a very common color on me. I was Draco Malfoy. I had nobody to be jealous _of_ , especially not for a love interest. I've gotten every relationship I ever wanted, as well as got out of ones I didn't deem worthy, such as Pansy. Jealousy was a new feeling for me and I had no great ideas of dealing with it.

I didn't plan on poaching the party. All I meant to do was watch over her and make sure that Harry's intentions were purely platonic. Not that I missed his not-so-subtle glances towards his best mate's sister (I consider myself a fairly perceptive individual) but that couldn't necessarily guarantee that he wouldn't want to plunder in the most willing target to appease his failure in obtaining the one he truly wanted. Not that I rightly blame him…but he would've chosen the wrong target were that the case.

I didn't have as great of faith in him as my dearly did.

The festivities were loud and obnoxious. Watching member after member of that pathetic professor's little gang of celebrities made my stomach churn. Was it jealousy? If so, of whom?

Not being able to stand it after hours of snooping, I slowly sneaked my way through a back entrance of the room. All I needed to do was spot her. See what she was doing. Who she was talking to. Why, I wasn't quite sure, but the last thing I wanted was for Neville Longbottom to pull a fast one on her and take her somewhere.

"What are you doing down here?" someone asked.

Filch.

Before I knew it, he had his slimy hands on my collar, dragging me to the center of the party where Slughorn was. We passed Luna on the way in and I tried to avoid her gaze.

"Get your hands off me, you filthy squib," I spat, shoving his grip off.

Severus, of course, glimpsed my entrance and glanced towards the direction of Luna. I glared at him, following his lead on his 'escort' out of the party. The last thing I needed was a lecture from this fool.

"Don't think I don't know what you were doing here," Severus spat.

"Stay out of this, _Snape,"_ I spat.

"Draco, you're stressed. Let me help you."

" _No,"_ I insisted. "I was chosen for this. It has to be me."

Sending one final look of disapproval, he glided back into the stupid party. Moments later, another presence appeared in the door. White, shimmering hair in a beautiful, bizarre dress. She had her arms crossed in an uncomfortable state, gripping herself tightly.

Almost instantly, my mood softened.

"Katie Bell is going to be better," she told me. "I-I thought you would be glad of that."

I said nothing.

Strictly speaking, I wished no ill intent on Katie. She had never wronged me in any sort of fashion. My only regret of her living was my worry that she would hear my voice in her head…coaxing her to deliver the necklace.

"I am glad," I admitted lightly.

With a small sigh, I leaned up against the wall, my fingers lightly fidgeting with the edge of my jacket. Occasionally I glanced in her direction. Her eyes were fixated on the ground as well and she eventually leaned against the wall next to me. She said nothing.

I made acute notice of how her feet lightly shifted, seemingly uncomfortable as she quietly stood there next to me.

"I don't care for them, you know," she quietly said. "They're not…they're not you."

For a moment, my head shifted from worry to slight satisfaction as I smiled at her light attempt to appease my jealousy. I hadn't exactly hidden my envy.

"You don't have to do this, Luna," I said, forcing a smile.

At this, she was quiet.

"Neither do you."

My lips pursed together, fighting back tears. When did I become such a sappy little girl? Out of slight desperation, my fingers found their way to Luna's palm as I curled them into hers like a safety net. I gripped her tight like a lifeline as the two of us stood there, side by side, staring straight forward in silence.

I heard a small commotion at the door as I saw famous Harry Potter emerge from the Slughorn party. On instinct, my hand retracted from Luna's.

"Luna," Harry said, questionably. "What are you doing here?"

His eyes scanned from Luna to myself. I saw them harden as they fixated on me in a "what the hell are you trying to pull" kind of way. At this point, I was too emotionally exhausted to rally against him. He can make his assumptions and fire against me, I cared very little at this point.

"I-" Luna started, slowly walking towards Harry. Away from the monster Harry sought me to be. "I was just looking for something."

Harry's eyes narrowed.

"What did he take?" he asked, accusingly. My temper slightly raised.

"I didn't take anything, Potter!" I exclaimed.

"He was helping me, Harry," Luna said, trying to appease him. Unconvinced, Harry stepped forward, positioning himself in front of Luna in a protective-like stance. His eyes stared me down accusingly as if he were trying to mentally squeeze the truth out. Of course, I doubted this was about Luna but of a more pressing matter of the plotting-to-kill-Dumbledore variety.

Granted, I doubted he had any idea that was the end goal. He may be intelligent but that is perhaps giving him too much credit. I've actually observed him lately and his frustration with being kept in the dark was almost becoming too much to bear.

I know the look of someone kept in darkness. If I didn't know better, I'd say we weren't all that different. Unfortunately, I do.

"Come on, Luna," he huffed. "We're leaving."

Harry firmly grabbed her hand as she gave me a small helpless glance. I could do nothing but watch as my dear beloved was dragged away by my arch rival. I suppose it is something I should get used to. After all, it's not as if I had any choice in the matter. This was my future. Watching everything I care about being willed away from me. This was my destiny.


	8. oh what a christmas, to have the blues

_Re-inspired!  
Two chapters in two weeks - squee!_

* * *

 _chapter eight: oh what a christmas (to have the blues)_

* * *

It was a short train ride home for Christmas.

I sat alone, shooing away the company of my usual Slytherin companions. At this point, I had become at best indifferent to their company. Perhaps it was because I'd found much better companionship with Luna or that I'd simply outgrown their blatant ignorance and stupidity. I was no longer a person they admired, either way. With the stress taking over my entire being, it seems as if I had lost their respect. And the funny thing was that I didn't even care.

Luna stopped by once.

She tapped on the window ever so gracefully as she shyly stopped in.

"Merry Christmas," she said at barely over a whisper. Slowly, she pulled a small box from behind her back and held it out for me. It was wrapped in silver and green wrapping paper, with a blue ribbon tied around it from both sides.

There's no easy way to describe this but I could physically feel gratitude spreading through my entire body. It was almost enough to untangle all the knots that were currently assembled in my stomach as I dreaded the idea of confronting the Dark Lord. Updating him with my failure.

"Luna," I said, sadly. With all the commotion, I hadn't even thought of giving her anything. I wasn't sure it would be appropriate.

After slowly untying the ribbon and unwrapping the carefully folded present, I opened the box to find that it was a silver pocket watch. The clock on the inside was a royal blue with silver roman numerals. As I turned it over, I noticed it had the initials L.H.L. engraved.

"It was my grandfather's. Lysander Hyperion Lovegood," she said as if she were introducing us.

"Luna, I can't take this," I begged her. There was no way I could take something so precious as a family heirloom.

"It is a reminder," she told me, ignoring my plea. "That time is a funny thing."

I pursed my lips together, fingering the beautiful antique. Not even a hint of rust, pure silver this was and well taken care of. It must have been precious to her.

"Time heals, Draco," she said. I only laughed, pathetically.

Time kills, I couldn't help but think. But I bit my tongue. I never understood the source of her optimism. It is a place I'd very much love to visit one day. With all the horrors in the world right now, she'd still managed to find the silver lining in everything. Still managed to maintain the belief that everything will turn out all right in the end. That good would overturn evil.

I didn't have as strong of faith in the righteous. After seeing my father being twirled around on a string like a marionette, I'd resigned to myself long ago that the Dark Lord is my future. I used to idolize the concept as a boy; naturally, I didn't quite comprehend the consequences of my family name. All I knew was that we were wealthy and important.

I never wanted to kill anybody.

She left as quickly as she came and I spent the remainder of the train ride in pure silence. It was nothing but a sea of white outside my window and the view brought me back to a piece of muggle literature. It was one of Luna's collection. Oftentimes, she'd read to me during my moments of stress. Her voice took me to places that helped me escape my nightmares.

Of course, naturally, her favorites are among the more bizarre.

Towards the end (and the beginning) of Mary Shelly's _Frankenstein,_ the mad scientist follows his creation to the ice caps, overridden with thoughts of revenge as well as tragic longing. He kills himself to accomplish this impossible mission and, after all the horror that he'd bestowed upon his monster, was buried by him. The monster that had destroyed his life had given him a proper burial and gave his respects to the dead as a son would to a father.

I'm not sure why this moved me so or why this scene had suddenly brought me back to that tale. I suppose I sympathized with the scientist. The man who tried everything to be great, to right his wrongs, but failed all the same. And yet – was forgiven by the very being he had tried to kill. A being that had been rejected by the entire world, including the one that cursed him with life.

There's a lesson in there somewhere. I just wasn't sure what it was.

Misery makes fools of us all, was all I could think of. The scientist's grief for his loved ones and utter regret. The monster's abhorrent physique and innate loneliness. We all do terrible things when we feel no other alternative, don't we?

At this point, the train had come to a grinding halt and I could feel backflips rising in my stomach. I scanned the crowd of family members and friends awaiting to greet the students. Happy faces covered up with scarves and knitted caps. Students scurried off the train excitingly to start their well-deserved breaks where they would stuff themselves with cookies and immerse in their seasonal gifts.

 _"_ _It's the most wonderful time of the year,"_ sang throughout the King's Cross station. Funny. It did not feel that way.

I was among the last to exit the train, wanting to steer clear of the stampede of glee. There were very few left at the station but there was one that I recognized immediately. She was alone. A white-blonde haired woman in emerald green robes; she stood with her arms crossed as if she were shielding her stomach from passersby and her eyes twitched back and forth from nearly every direction.

Until she saw me.

"Draco," she gasped.

"Mother."

Immediately, I fell into the warm embrace of my mother. With the stress of my mission and worry over Luna, I had all but nearly forgotten about my family. I guess it wasn't as if I forgot, but chose not to remember. I shuddered to think of the thought of my mother, alone, with two of the most dangerous people this world has ever know: the Dark Lord, of course…and then my Aunt Bellatrix.

It's not as if she couldn't handle herself. But I did worry over her.

"It is so good to see you, son," she said, still not letting go.

"Have they hurt you at all?" I asked her quietly.

At this question, she slowly retracted from my embrace.

"You don't need to concern yourself with—"

"Yes, I do," I interjected.

She pursed her lips together as I examined her closely. There were no visible marks that I could see, at least not on her face. Nevertheless, my mother had always been a tremendous healer. It was nothing she could not cover up. Even if there had been no physical marks, I'm sure there were plenty underneath the surface.

It had been a tough couple of months overall. Having my father imprisoned in Azkaban has not been the easiest. My mother spent nearly the entire summer consoling me privately, assuring me was that Azkaban was the safest place for him. She wasn't wrong. If anything, I'd say we had the short end of the stick.

There was a letter that my father sent me during the summer saying that I was the man of the house now. I don't think I'd ever been more terrified. My mother's fate was in my hands…and I don't feel as if I've done a very good job.

"They can't do this," I whispered.

"Yes, they can," she insisted. "And they will."

She cupped my face with her cold hands and then firmly entwined her hand in mine, squeezing tightly. My mother and I had always been close, even before the Dark Lord's return to power. I used to help with her garden work outside our manor and have a fair amount of knowledge regarding herbology because of it. I briefly remember helping my mother de-gnome the garden on several occasions. That was always my job.

My mother has always helped neutralize my father's cold exterior. While my father and I have a special father/son relationship, in public he is at best indifferent. Narcissa Malfoy has always loved her son, no matter where she was.

"Have you heard from him?" I asked.

She only shook her head. It doesn't surprise me. There's every possibility that they would confiscate the letters, reading them before she could. I expect he knew better than to write. I've only received the one, myself.

"I'm sure he's fine," I forced out. It was a lie. I wasn't sure. He was not a respected Death Eater anymore. I wouldn't be surprised if he died before the year was out. But I'd never tell my mother that.

"Let's go home, Draco."

"Draco!" I heard screeched as I stepped through the door. I suppressed my grimace and instead forced a smile.

"Aunt Bellatrix," I greeted half-heartedly. "I trust you are well."

Looking around the living room, I saw the whole lot of misfits gathered around the antique fireplace. It seems Bellatrix's in-laws were in town for the season.

There was Bellatrix's husband, Rodolphus, with his usual mute expression and a beer in his hand. Likely not his first. Rodolphus had always been a quiet individual. In fact, I don't believe I've ever heard him say more than three words to me at a time.

Sitting next to him was Rabastan, Bellatrix's brother-in-law. Rabastan is…well, in a word, insane. He's the leader of a little pureblood supremacy conspiracy mob that meets in Knockturn Alley every full moon. They're mainly harmless; however, I do recall the lot of them burning down a pub they once believed to be redistributing smallpox amongst the pureblood community. Apparently, they weren't aware that there is a cure.

Mercury Lestrange is Rodolphus and Rabastan's grandmother. An interesting woman. Mercury, or Mercy as she prefers, brags constantly about how many muggles she'd slaughtered during the third muggle war. She also may or may not have killed her daughter-in-law out of spite. It's not really clear.

"I heard you've had an interesting semester," chuckled Rabastan, puffing on his cigar.

I gulped.

"Indeed," I replied, feigning pride.

"Gonna take out the big man, are you, kid?" Mercy asked. She rose from her chair, circling me like a vulture. "Little scrawny for an up-and-coming murderer, ain't ya?"

"Yes, ma'am," I uttered.

"It is not our place to question those chosen by the Dark Lord," Bellatrix said, hissing slightly. "Draco will make a fine subject."

I could be wrong, but I'm assuming this was Bellatrix defending her nephew. It was an unsettling feeling, to say the least. She sat herself down beside Rodolphus who, as per usual, said nothing. I'd never understood their relationship, honestly, and I'm quite sure they'd never shared much congress together. He was far too indifferent to the Black family to risk procreating and she was far too in love with the Dark Lord and it showed.

"Come, Draco," my mother suddenly said. "Let us unpack your things."

"Yes, mother," I replied, possibly a little too willingly. As I walked up the dark marble staircase, I could hear Rabastan mimicking me in a high-pitched voice while Mercy and Bellatrix cackled. They were such an unsettling group.

I was not looking forward to this winter break. Don't get me wrong; I was more than happy to be there monitoring my mother. It's just the last place either of us wanted to be.

"You didn't tell me your lunatic sister and her gang of sociopaths were going to be joining us," I told her harshly once we were alone in my room.

"Keep your voice down," she scolded. "There are ears everywhere."

"I'm pretty sure they'd take that as a compliment," I said, somewhat sarcastically.

"It's not as if I have a choice, Draco," she explained. "We are the floor mat of the pureblood community, thanks to your father."

"He didn't drop it. It wasn't his fault," I argued.

"Yes, well, he let that mouse-faced boy drop it and left us to the wolves."

"So you're taking the Dark Lord's side now; is that what you're doing?"

"He _abandoned_ us, Draco," she suddenly shouted. I could see her eyes begin to tear up as her face trembled uncontrollably. "He's locked up, safe, in Azkaban putting you on death row while I'm stranded here playing housemaid to a maniac."

She covered her mouth immediately and sat on my bed. Her lip was trembling as her eyes fought the inevitable tears and it took everything in me to not cry alongside her. But my father was right. I was the man, now.

I gently took her hand and sat down beside her, her face immediately collapsing into my shoulder. I could do nothing but hold her.

"We will make it through this, mother," I said. "I promise."

She scoffed.

"And then what?" she retorted. "Do you want to live in a world where we win?"

I had no answers. I wasn't going to pretend like I did. She was right. Any triumph on our part would result in the possible destruction of the entire world, and the Malfoy family surely wouldn't survive that ordeal. It's not as if I wanted that to happen…but I had made a promise to a young fair-haired beauty. And I planned to keep it.

"I'm sorry, Draco," she said, wiping her eyes. "I just miss your father."

I shuddered to think of my father spending Christmas in Azkaban, surrounded by dementors. Within the past year, it seemed as if my father experienced nothing _but_ fear. I can't bear the thought of the effect it would have to be drained of all of happiness. I vividly remember my third year at Hogwarts when the dementors were simply guarding the entrances. Even the couple seconds that it took to pass by them was damning enough.

To be faced with nothing but your worst nightmares…and to forget all those who made them go away. I tried not to think of my father cornered in a cell, trembling in fear. As a boy, I saw nothing but strength in my father. As a man…I see nothing but weakness. A weakness that I regret to say I've inherited.

"Severus tells me you're in love," my mother said suddenly.

My heart skipped a beat as I looked at my mother. I expected a lecture. Possibly a scolding, my mother can be slightly jealous at the best of times. However, all I saw was a genuine smile. She seemed to be beaming with pride at the thought.

"Don't let her go, Draco," she told me. "Don't let her out of your sight."

As far as holidays go, it didn't measure up to your average grandmother's Christmas. However, I had no great room to complain. The Dark Lord had evidently been too busy to send for me and I spent the entire season in the company of my mother. Granted, her psychopath family took up nearly every room; however, they mainly kept to themselves.

On Christmas Eve, my mother and I spent the whole night in the kitchen. Knowing that there were certain topics forbidden, we tried to find something that would bring joy to both of us. We toyed with the idea of getting a cat. I told her a small cat would get lost in a heartbeat in this giant mansion and would die in a corner somewhere. She then suggested a cougar.

The Witching Hour was my mother's favorite radio program and it had been playing Christmas music nearly all day. It was an odd contrast to the company spread throughout the mansion but no one seemed to mind. If anything, my mother was so very unlike these people; I expect a bit of her sister rubbed off on her.

Not Bellatrix. Andromeda. The one I'm not meant to talk about.

I know it must be hard to imagine, me spreading cookie batter onto a cookie sheet, licking the whisk while my mother danced around the kitchen to Madam Celestina Warbeck's 'You Stole My Cauldron But You Can't Have My Heart'. It was these private moments with my mother that I treasured and I gift her all the credit for my small trace of humanity.

 _"_ _You stole my cauldron, my favorite black hat,"_ my mother sang. " _Purloined my owl, then flew off like a vampire bat."_

I let out a proud grin as she used a spoon for a microphone. She grabbed my hand for the next verse and I twirled her around promptly, smiling as she shimmied her way to the fridge for some milk. You have to understand – my mother and I were in the belief we were living on borrowed time. We could spend every waking moment dreading the following minute but, instead, we chose to enjoy our perceived last holiday together. If not with my father, we would make do.

Luna was a private topic of conversation. Being my mother, she wanted to know all about her; she wasn't as nearly as paranoid or cautious as Severus was and for that I was thankful. Until now, there had been no one I could talk about her with. It was simply me and my thoughts. Now, I had a confidant.

My mother braved the dungeons of the Malfoy Manor to grant us permission from the Dark Lord to attend Diagon Alley, just the two of us. He had required her to request the company of Bellatrix and her family; however, they abhorrently declined, thankfully. It was a mother/son tradition that the both of us had taken a part in since I was just a small child so it's not as if the request came from out of left field. Every year, they covered the entire street of Diagon Alley with Christmas lights; it was quite a sight. And there we could talk about Luna without worrying of eavesdroppers.

"It's complicated, mother," I told her after endless poking and prodding on how serious we were.

"Well, it can't be so complicated. Do you love her? It's a simple yes or no question."

"Of course, I love her," I said, indefinitely. "But it's too dangerous right now."

"Do not let the Dark Lord ruin your life, Draco," she told me.

"It's not _my_ life I'm worried about."

"When I married your father, I knew what I was getting into," she told me. "But I didn't care. Because I loved him. Still do. Even if he is a useless, good-for-nothing git."

I looked at my mother and the two of us burst out laughing. It felt weird to laugh with my mother, especially with the situation we were currently in. We stopped to get in line for a hot butterbeer and I could do nothing but beam at her. Such a strong woman. I don't think my father ever gave her much credit.

"I love you, mom," I suddenly said.

"If that's true, you'll grab that girl while she still tolerates you and give me some grandchildren."

I smirked that lovely Malfoy grin and put an arm around my mother. We paid for our hot butterbeers and retreated to a small bench that had been sheltered from the snow underneath a shop overhang. We sat in silence for a while, staring at the passersby drinking our hot butterbeer. Jingle bells could be heard in the distance and Christmas music played amongst the chatter of the little witches and wizards prancing around.

I had never much cared for Knockturn Alley honestly. Here, in Diagon Alley, there was life.

"Oh, my god," I suddenly said.

"What?" said my mother. Her tone changed to one of worry.

"It's her," I said. "It's Luna."

There were two white-blondes in the distance. Luna had some sort of Christmas ornament tangled through her hair with light-up earrings. Her father stood above her dressed in a bright red pantsuit. I'd only seen pictures of her father but, I have to say, I was not at all surprised. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

His long white-hair was tangled and disastrous, a nice contrast to my father's usual straight, well-kept do. He had his arm around Luna as she was currently blowing bubbles that had little fireworks inside. Her father would reach over her shoulder and point at something in the distance. She would look in the direction and her smile would widen, then she kissed her father on his cheek.

It reminded me a bit of the relationship between me and my mother.

"She is very beautiful," my mother said. "You can't hide from her forever."

I sighed.

"She is a blood traitor, mother; the Dark Lord would never allow it," I told her. "He'd kill her in front of me. And then anyone else I cared about."

"So, what, you're going to marry that awful Pansy instead?" my mother scoffed.

She had always hated Pansy. It is partially due to the fact that her father attempted to court my mother at a young age. I distinctly remember the story of my father clocking Pansy's father in the face over the matter. He'd always told me how humorous it was that he cried like a baby afterwards.

"I'd sooner marry Dobby."

Dobby. Wow. I hadn't thought about him in years. I believe he was Harry Potter's now; though, I'd never asked.

"It is noble of you," my mother admitted. "But you know what your father would say?"

"…what?" I asked.

"Malfoy's take what they want."

I never thought of my mother as a badass…but damnit, I had to hand it to her. She wasn't wrong. I looked over at her once I noticed she was reaching from behind her neck. She unclipped her necklace and placed it in my palm, clasping my hand gently.

"You tell her it's from me," she said.

The necklace was emerald green, to no one's surprise, with a silver chain. A large green, princess cut stone bordered diamonds. Knowing my family, they were real and expensive. A priceless heirloom for a suitable host. For Luna…evidently.

Holding it in my palm, I smiled, gripping it tightly. And then I made my way over towards Luna and her father, not 100% sure what it was I was about to say.

It was conflicting. Because I knew in my heart that Snape was right. I would be endangering her life and I wasn't sure how to cope with that. But...my mother was right, in a way. Why should I deprive myself of happiness during my last moments? Why should I let the Dark Lord destroy every aspect of my life? Why let the Dark Lord win?

Why not fight?

With that in mind, I made my way over to the father, daughter pairing, my mother's necklace in hand. At the moment, they were deep in conversation, smiling all the while. As I got closer, it seemed they were arguing about what color Crumple Horned Snorcacks were.

"They have no inherent pigment, father," Luna argued. "It changes according to the degree of weather by Fahrenheit."

"Luna, their birth color is skyblue because of the temperature the mother Snorcack keeps the eggs at which is 23 degrees Fahrenheit. But upon exposure to the outwards temperature changes after its egg hatches."

"You forgot to account the margin for error regarding the mother. She could neglect her motherly duty, you know."

"Luna," I suddenly interjected.

I could see her father was about to come up with a retort. However, upon seeing my face, he shared a small glimpse with his daughter who slowly nodded.

"I'll just grab us a few warm butterbeers, shall I?" he bowed and made his leave.

"Draco," she greeted, slightly surprised. "You look well."

"Thank you," I said, smiling softly, stunting my speech slightly. "I —you look beautiful."

She smiled very light-heartedly. It wasn't the warm one that I was used to and I expect that was my fault. I had no excuses. I stood there like an idiot with my hands in my pockets, pondering my next move. I had no plan on what to say – I wasn't even sure where this conversation would end or what it would accomplish.

Maybe I _was_ being selfish. But I've spent so much of my energy worrying about making my father proud and taking orders from the Dark Lord…maybe I deserved this. Maybe I could be a better person with her by my side.

"Luna, I can't do this anymore," I told her. "I'm in love with you…and I can't keep pretending like I'm not."

I saw her small mouth widen into a larger smile.

"Will you marry me?" I asked.


End file.
